And Then There Were None....

A funny thing happened on the way to life. Three years ago I had my first mammogram. A little spot showed up that looked like a tiny white eraser. It was actually done twice because the mark was in the left side. It caused me a moment's pause, and was reassured that it was nothing more than a calcium deposit. It never was far from my mind. Being the mom to two wonderful childen and still healing from the death of a sibling from cancer, I did not have time to dwell. Fast forward to June 2011. My routine physical brought about the time for another mammogram. I had it and was told I needed to go back and have a second one done on the left side. I didn't see a change until I had the second one done. From the small computer screen to the big actual films told the story. That cute little eraser had grown to look exactly like the shape of Idaho. This could be real. The word biopsy was used and one was scheduled. Being a pretty educated duck I focused on the screen as the radiologist removed the spot. I asked tons of questions. Then I asked to see if I could see the biopsy tissue. Looking back, the light bulb began to flicker. I could see the pieces of this mass floating in the solution. June 29, 2011. Biopsy Day. July 1, 2011, dawned with a phone call asking me to come in early so that we could talk about the biopsy so that the people could leave early for 4th of July. Oh sure, no problem. Went in and was shuttled into another side room. My dh and I talked with the nurse and were just chatting when the radiologist came in. He sat across from us and said, "Well, there is no way to say. We found cancer." All the air sucked out of the room. I heard things like cancer navigator who would help me. My primary doctor had made the appointment for me to meet the surgeon that afternoon. I heard words like "caught early", "good survival". I sit here on Aug. 15, 2011. My surgery was July 25, 2011. The cancerous tumor was completely removed. I still have ways to go. The genetic testing comes back in a couple of weeks. I opted to have a bilateral mastectomy because there was the possibility it would travel. The stitches are healing both external and the internal emotional scars. I have learned that I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be. I have laughed in the face of death and lived to tell the tale. I am learning daily that I am in the company of some incredible men and women. Cancer tries it's hardest to suck everything that is good and noble out of you. It tries to deform you and make you less than human. DON'T LET IT!!!!! Fight! Enjoy everything that you can. If it is reading a book, read it. If it is hearing music you love, hear it. Everyday is another day you are here. I don't feel great every day. I don't feel like eating everyday. But I am here. No one can be a survivor without some kind of scar. I just happen to have two of them. I survive.